Traditions

This year, for the first time in my adult life, I am not going to spend Christmas Eve with my entire family...brothers, sister-in-laws et al.  My mother passed away almost 3 years ago and my 3 brothers feared that her absence would mark the end of our family tradition of getting together every Christmas Eve.  That tradition has been hard for our children as they have formed their own families and have their in-laws traditions to accomodate.  But, we have still gotten together every year with the kids making it every other year.  One brother has not made the last couple of years due to his health, but that is understood.  I love my family and look so  forward to decorating the house and cooking for all of them.  However, it has gotten hard as our family has grown and my job and life have become more demanding.  The last few years I have been so exhausted I have found it hard to enjoy talking to everyone.  So, this year when Shannon suggested we break with tradition and go to Colorado to meet Josh and his family halfway, it appealed to me.  We skiied every year for years but Mark and I have not been skiing for 15? years?  Long enough, I'm more afraid of breaking my hip now than blowing a knee:)  Anyway, one of my brothers called last night after he had had a conversation with another brother.    The conversation went downhill after I told him we were considering doing something different for Christmas this year so we could see our Montana kids.  He said we might as well "go to F.....ing Sizzlin' Sirloin!".  Then he hung up.  This leaves me with wondering if it is the loss of turkey or the loss of family time that is the problem.  ?  Is tradition turkey or is it being with your kids and your grandkids?  I don't think I am picking favorites, but I do love my kids and have not seen my Montana kids since last Christmas.  Am I being selfish because I am choosing to not cook a huge dinner for a few here rather than probably have something pretty simple in a cabin in Colorado?  I do have a sense of not knowing what to do with my house because I normally go nuts decorating.  Anyway, today, I did it.  I booked a condo in Winter Park for 4 nights..over Christmas Eve.  I intend to cook a big dinner next year with my overly decorated house up to it's usual level, .  Hopefully, all the kids and their kids can make the trip to keep our family tradition alive...just on a new every other year schedule.    At this moment, I'm wondering what the appropriate next step is.  Do I call everyone and say "guess what...new tradition, every other year at Aunt Karen's".  Or, let the news seep out to this brother that will probably be mad at me for quite some time because I broke with this tradition?  I can't make everyone happy and I wish it felt better to me that, for this year, I have stopped trying. 

Hair

I hate my hair. I have not hated my hair very infrequently during my lifetime. Consequently, my friends and family ignore me when I say "I hate my hair. What do you think?". They all know better. I'm on my way to a new hairdresser tonight. She is being in trusted to make the bangs or no bangs decision. I've been encouraged by my best friend to just give myself over to Janie, the hair God. This is dangerous. I will likely come home hating my hair even more than I do now. I'd like to know why satisfaction with my hair seems so impossible. I can't get no satisfaction. Back later with a progress report. My bald husband is not looking forward to this.

Success: I made it back

It is hard to describe how stupid it feels to set up a blog, write a blog, post a blog and then not be able to find your way back. I had to get help! Whew! One would think a semi- intelligent person could master the task of a blog. Especially considering that there are some less than intelligent people writing them successfully.

I have written a lot in my life. In high school, I wrote pages and pages to whomever. It was the way I worked through problems, told people what I thought when I did not have the courage to tell them. I would sit in bed and write, hide the pages, read them later a few times, then tear then up. I never sent them. When my parents were arguing, which felt like all the time, I'd stuff a pillow in the heat register in that old farm house to try to block out the noise from rising to the upstairs. Then I'd write. Then I'd tear it all up.

Now, there is email. A much less safe medium. You can say things so quickly, hit send and there is no tearing that up! It took awhile to get it through my head to never email when I am mad, upset, or especially if i have had anything to drink!!!! Lessons learned. Darn, I'm a slow learner.

Now, I fear writing for a number of reasons. One is work. I can not write anything that could ever reflect negatively on my employer or related things. I also rather fear letting anyone really know me, except my family and closest of friends. People make assumptions about who a person really is inside based on the initials behind their name. How truly stupid that is, but it is the way of the world. People choose to assume the worst rather than assume the best.

Is blogging the new-age therapy?

A Blog by Someone Who Read Maybe...3 Blogs in their LIFE

Hi..to whomever reads these things.  I was encouraged to start blogging by a beloved niece, AJ, who is an awesome writer.  We live states apart and maybe this is one way to keep in touch.  Not sure.  Being new to this, I'm unsure of what I can or will share here.  I guess to start wtih this..I'll tell the strangers that are reading this, that I am female.  I'm older than I wish I was, but smart enough that I don't try to hide it.  I'm an RN by training but now an administrator in a hospital.  I have a happy marriage, good kids and great grandkids.  What in the world do I have to say that is interesting?  Well...today, not much.  AJ...I love you and will get with the program here...  Kjay.